(Source: lovequotesrus)
As astonishing as it is, you still have the power to make me cry
Hearing you tell me about your guys’ first kiss and how it was just the second day that you guys met, that just hurt. I felt like ours was better and you only did that with me because I thought I was special. I didn’t know you did this to Hannah too.
Then you asked me about our first kiss and it made both of us smile and laugh and I thought I won you back over. Until you started talking about how much you miss her and how you hate waiting.
I tell you about how I secretly feel trapped by Justin and I’m leaving him when I go to college. You tell me to get out of here and come to San Diego.
“Come here, at least I’ll take care of you.”
You even asked to see me this summer and said you wanted to take me to Del Mar Fair, cuz you knew I’ve always wanted to go.
The way you listed her shoe size, favorite drinks, likes, dislikes and the small details that no one knows about, I seriously teared up. I wanted you to remember those things for me. I became jealous of how you knew these insignificant facts about her, and Justin barely even remembers where I was born. And the fact that you WROTE THIS LIST DOWN, was a stab in my heart.
I asked you why people start drama. You say that everyone is selfish. You provided me with examples of people’s selfishness by using Justin, friends, and others as your evidence.
“Even I’m selfish. There are two reasons why I called you: 1) Because you can actually keep up a conversation and you’re easy to talk to and 2) because I needed someone to talk to about Hannah.”
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING HURT ME TO HEAR THAT? Knowing that we’re meant to be yet you’re not mine. You used to talk to me because you liked me, and now you talk to me because you need me there to comfort you as you wait for her. When the one you should be missing and wanting to be with should be me. This hurts watching you trying to maintain a relationship with some other girl, when I know you wouldn’t even have to hesitate or hurt if we were in a relationship.
(via hplyrikz)
And then you called me,
and then I missed you again. Just when I started to get you off of my mind. And yes, I failed at that. And no, my feelings for you never really drifted off. Because now, you just reminded me of where my heart has always belonged. And as I start to feel this way and think about everything, I think (and I hesitate as I say this), I think I love you, Jay. I say think because I’m afraid that if I say know, this will only hurt me more. I never said this before, although I recall saying and writing, I THINK I want to fall in love with you.
You still remember everything like it was yesterday. How we met, how we eyed each other. Even when we were kissing on your bed. My favorite kissing moment ever, through each guy I’ve been with. Your kisses were my favorite. How your hands wandered my face and enlightened themselves in my hair, stroking the strands so carefully to brush them away from my face. How you hesitated, just as every kiss starts off with, but when your lips met mine, it was like my mind couldn’t believe I was alive. And it wasn’t like every other kiss, it was a spiderman kiss. Something new and something special. Not cliche, even if it was named after a movie. It was memorable because it’s not common.
Anyways, as we talked about college and how you also wanted to apply to UCSD/ San Diego State, you brought up how your parents liked me. They thought I was pretty, and I was the first one they ever said that about. Both of our parents wanted us to date, isn’t that ironic? What a blessing. You said that they’d even let me live with you guys and sleep there and everything. Like how Michael Carreon said in “Thoughts.”
You sleep on my lap and I sleep in your bed and it’s no big deal to your mom and your dad
‘Cause I stay on my side and you stay on yours
And they know we’re just friends they even let you close the door
One day, I hope to live with you though. In college, but also furthermore. Not just as a roomie or a best friend, but as your girlfriend. Yours to keep and to cherish and to love. Best, why can’t we just try now?
Have you ever had the thought that even if you’re with someone you love right now, your heart belongs somewhere else? That feeling you stay up with at night when they’re fast asleep. You wonder: “What am I missing?” You feel happy throughout the day with your lover, and as continued from a past post, you still feel as if the one you’re destined to be with is somewhere else. Someone so compatible with you, it’s not even funny. This person is the easiest, and probably the most enjoyable person to talk to. You can tell them anything, even if it means letting them know about the pain you’re enduring in your current relationship.
The past memories invade your mind and your guys’ possible future violates its well-being. You’re not left with what-if’s, but instead you have will-happens. And although your heart is here with you now between you and your significant other, you still think that maybe its home is somewhere else. In this case, a thousand miles plus away, but you can’t allow distance to make you disown the home. When it’s the only place you want to go to.
“I’m scared of what will happen after high school. I’m scared that if I stay, I’ll end up hurt. I wonder if I should be patient and wait to see what happens, or just leave ahead of time.”
“Well, you just gotta wait until that time comes. You’ll figure it out. And if you get hurt, I’m always here. Like always.”
I wanted to cry. That’s when I realized thought I loved you and you loved me too. After all this time. And as I think about how deep my feelings run for you, I cry because I know our time is yet to come in the future. I can’t take that you’re with some other girl, and I know you feel the same about me and him. Because we both know that no matter how hard we try to move on, ultimately, our hearts are meant for each other. You are my Soul Mate, as I am yours.
I love you Jay.
(via hplyrikz)
Marvin’s Fucking Room.
Jay: Fuck that nigga that you love so bad. I know you still think about the times we had. I said fuck that nigga that you think you found. And since you picked up I know he’s not around.
I’m just sayin’ you could do better, tell me have you heard that lately?
Justin: He sayin’ he’s your best friend. And he’s always the one in your ear. I know that he been waiting to get my ass up out of here. It’s been a couple months now. And Baby I am not surprised. But I’m a real nigga. Girl how you gon’ take his side
I’d be damned if I let him take my place. Don’t listen to what that nigga say. Cuz he’s just saying you could do better and Baby all I’m saying is he sound like a hater. And Baby he could just fuck off and do us a favor.
Mind your business, nigga stop being a hater
Oh boys, do you realize that you’re both singing the same song to me, just different versions?
oh life, oh relationships.
so much pressure from everything & everyone, i don’t know what to do.
it’s not fair how feelings work.
i wish when you were born, you had a label of whose name of your soulmate was. who you were really supposed to end up with.
i know that dating wrong people is good experience so when you actually meet up with your soulmate, you won’t mess it up &/or treat them badly & lose them.
but what happens when you’re not sure if you’ve found the one? sometimes you think you did, sometimes you think you didn’t?
what if you truly have one soulmate, one lover? what if they are really two separate people?
is there such a thing as infatuation for a soulmate or lover? or are they true feelings?
i don’t want to make the wrong choices when it comes to love.
sorry for late reply D:
but i like the 6 months post :o i didn’t see it on fyeahcutecouples though?
:o
This was the stranger who had a locker exactly 9 away from mine. The stranger that I would rush to school in the morning for only to find him at his locker. I didn’t really need to go to mine to get any books or binders for my classes, but I just had to see him as often as I could. And so I’d go as much as I was able to: in the morning, in between passing period, during lunch, and after school. Just seeing that cute stranger even for a few seconds allowed for me to leave my locker and proceed through the school day with the biggest smile on my face. He gave me butterflies, and I didn’t even know him yet. The funny thing was, he was doing the same thing. I remember catching him already looking at me before I got the chance to turn to look at him. He’d usually be with his friends/cousins, but everytime I’d come around, he’d stop in the middle of his conversation and look at me.
I remember wishing that maybe one day, he’d finally come up to me and introduce himself because I knew I was too shy to do that myself. Little did I know, he was wishing for me to go up to him and say hi. But we were both too shy to approach one another. So I grew desperate to find one mutual friend between the two of us. And one day, I found one. Our friend Natalie found out that we both had an interest in one another because we both talked to her about the other. How we’d always see each other at our lockers, how one day we made eye contact, how I smiled at him once. She knew all of that and she figured out that we were talking about the same exact moments. And so she arranged for the day that we were both waiting for: the day we finally met.
It was a Friday night at the football game, the typical way a high schooler would spend their Friday nights. But this night was special because he would go from being that cute stranger by my locker to something more. I found Natalie and my other friends in the stands and I sat with them waiting for this “stranger.” He kept walking around with his football teammates/friends and I began to grow worried that he didn’t even want to meet me. Then I noticed him walking up the steps towards me and I started to smile. I barely let out a “hi” and he starts tripping upon each step! He was already falling for me, haha ♥ Natalie finally formally introduced us: “Jerilene, this is Justin. Justin, this is Jerilene,” and I remember the butterflies I felt when I first heard his voice. They were out of control.
We walked off to this spot here in this picture, our spot. This was the spot we first talked at. The spot where I couldn’t make eye contact with him. The spot where we just smiled at each other. The spot where he first called me beautiful. This is the spot where the stars connected to make the most beautiful constellation: our love. And not only did that night connect those stars, it also connected our hearts. This is the spot where we had nothing, but at the same time we knew we had everything. Right there. Before our very eyes. Under the promising stars. And at that moment, I swear, we were perfect. The way his smile didn’t wear down, the way the conversation skinned along our tongues as if it came naturally without much effort, the way his heart pounded with the necessity of wanting to impress me. It wall all in that spot. The way my eyes seemed to wander off because “I can’t make eye contact with guys that I think are cute” (which is what I told him when he asked me why I couldn’t look at him), the way I laughed so softly and gently, the way my smile seemed to be the one thing that stuck in his mind because at the very sight of it, he found beauty to admire and look forward to. The spot where our lives changed, because that’s the spot where two meaningless strangers found meaning in one another. That spot, was where it all started.
Justin and I became boyfriend and girlfriend on Friday, October 14, 2011 when he got Natalie and his cousin to set up 301 post its near the tennis courts reading “Will you go out with Me?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s7SxDimz2k
And here we are 6 Months later, together and stronger than ever. Thank you for putting up with me and our relationship and never giving up on me, Baby. You showed me that sometimes you find exactly what you need from the person you’d least expect it from, and I’m glad I found all of that and more in you. You’ve given me butterflies since the very first day I saw you at our lockers before we even met and ‘til this day, those butterflies still haven’t died down, through all the happy moments and through our struggling times. Thank you for teaching me that a real love is something you’re willing to fight for and even if it might seem like we’re fighting against each other, I know deep down that we’re fighting for each other and the relationship. You were, are, and always will be My Wish Come True. Happy 6 Months Anniversary, I love you Justin.
-Justin and Jerilene-
Est. October 14, 2011
Love Forever Promised.
Hers- http://jerileeezy.tumblr.com/
His- None :(
I hate these sudden moments of flashbacks Lucy,
Of summer and Jay… I’ll just be drifting into thought and then somehow, Jay pops up. I remember falling for him. I remember liking him. I remember wanting to be his girl. The one thing I didn’t like was being the one to put more effort into the “relationship” or talking. I liked, however, how he was a best friend to me first and wanted to take things slow, although we kinda rushed due to the amount of time we had left of NSLC. I don’t want to admit this to Justin, I don’t. Cuz I love him. But deep down, inside, I think I miss Jay. I feel guilty sometimes, because I want to tell Justin he’s right and I still may have feelings for Jay, considering how I’ll randomly think of him. I’ll miss being able to talk to him and text him without anyone telling me I can’t. I sometimes look at our pictures and videos and I’ll feel lonely inside cuz I know that we abandoned what we had.
But then I think, maybe it was for the best. Then I remember worrying about whether or not he was talking about another girl through his tumblr posts. Then I remember him barely texting me or calling me first. And then I remember him playing me. It hurt, and I feel guilty telling Justin that I never loved him, when in fact, I remember writing on your whiteboard that I did want to fall in love with him. I wanted to. But I didn’t. I don’t know Lucy. Where am I going with this post.
I still have his sweet text message he sent me over summer that woke me up at 7 one morning:
“You know, sometimes I wonder why you keep sending me all these heart felt messages every single night since the nslc program. I know that you care a lot about me, and I know I care a lot about you as well. I wish I could just type these messages, but I’m always either lazy, at a loss for words, or terrible at impressing best friends. (x I dunno. But yeah! Like you, whenever I have free time, I always wonder what you’re up to, what outfit you wore that day, and wheter you still like me or not. I still like you… I thought that when I started to become fond of you, that feeling would persist throughout the rest of the program and through a long period of time following it. Here I am! Still likeing you. And it’s a strong feeling as well! Like you say, I hope you wake up smiling to this text and I really hope for what the future brings us. You’re really cute. And I hate to lose contact with such a sweet, lovely girl. This is the first time my parents thought one of my friends that’s a girl was pretty. (: I don’t know. I honestly think you’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve seen thus far… No lie! School starts soon, and I’ll leave you something from my heart to keep in yours intended to last a while. Jerilene, you’re a beautiful girl, and your smile makes everything about just as radiant. Stay beautiful throughout whatever you do. Have a great day. (:”
It was so sweet. It made my day. I remember my feelings before that were slowly fading away, and then he knew just how to reel me back in. Was that just part of his plan? His plan in playing me? His plan in letting my feelings run deeper than they did before? How could he? How could he do this to his “best friend?” That’s what I never understood.
Yet, some piece of me, no matter how much I try to avoid it or deny it, knows that I’m still curious as to how a relationship with him would have been. I still think it would’ve been something so special. When I think of what a relationship with Jay would’ve been like, I really do genuinely believe that it would be the relationship I always wanted: Best Friends and Lovers. I mean, I say that with Justin cuz honestly, we do mess around like little kids at times. But part of why we act like that I guess is because he’s younger than me. And I think I only say that we are that kind of relationship, because secretly, that’s the only kind of relationship I’ve wanted, and to convince myself that my wishes are fulfilled, I start to say that.
I remember once thinking that Jay was absolutely perfect for me. Like seriously, everything about him matched what I wanted in a guy. He was amazing. He was charming. He was all that I wanted and at one point he was what I needed. I loved his last name, Sarmiento. He was My Sour Mento. He was the one I called, Best.
He didn’t want me with Justin, and told me he wouldn’t treat me right. But how could he say that when he played me? “Nobody can do it like me.” Exactly, cuz I don’t want anyone playing me like you. But he was my best friend. We used to play around with each other, we had tickle fights at his house, we played tag at Berkeley, we joked with one another, we had inside jokes, we could be doing nothing and I was still happy. We made funny faces at each other, we had SO much in common, he understood me.
Ugh, enough of this.
